Are you a mother? or a lover?
Hidden Romance killers that you need to know..
One of the biggest mistakes that women can
make to drain the romance, desire, and fun out of their relationship is to
mother their man and treat him like a child. It is the fundamental reason that
men end up resenting and eventually rebelling against women, and a sure fire
way to deaden a happy love life.
As women, we are programmed to nurture and
feel responsible for the care and needs of others.
It’s somewhat in our DNA to takeover when
things fall apart or to anticipate a problem and try to prevent what looks like
a “hazard to our harmony”. The dilemma is that the more you treat your man like
a boy, the more he will act like one and it will drive you both crazy.
Learn the symptoms and solutions to prevent
this hidden romance killer from taking over your relationship and enjoy
creating love that lasts.
Symptoms:
-
Taking over: Thinking you are responsible for everything – what he eats, how he
takes his vitamins, wears his clothes, cares for his things, manages
appointments etc.., When you start to think you know what`s better for him and
become his keeper.
-
Making him an extension of yourself: Stains on his shirt affect your
self-image. Feeling that everything your man does is a reflection of you and
you become over nurturing and try to fix him or his ways.
And a few of our favorites from Barbara De
Angelis:
-
Assuming he’ll forget: Reminding him or making lists of things he needs to do
on his own.
-
Scolding him as if he is a child and giving him the “I told you so” attitude to
prove you were right.
-
Telling him what to do or suggesting “improvements” when he doesn’t ask for
help.
Solution: Set non-negotiable rules for
yourself to prevent overstepping your boundaries.
-
Remind yourself that he’s a grown man and he has managed to get this far
without you. Stop doing
things for your man that he can do for himself. Treat him like a confident
capable person. Don’t speak to him in disciplinary tones and once you agree on
what his responsibilities are, don’t take over even if he makes a mistake.
Most importantly, respect his decisions. If you have issues with his decisions – tell him
how you feel (without nagging) as well as how it affects your love for him or
your relationship. Let him volunteer a solution or make a non-demanding request
for what you want. Have the intention to be heard and understood but not an
agenda to try to change him.
Red Flag: Pay attention if you are in the dating stage
– is this is a person whose decisions you don’t respect? Do you mistrust his judgement
and disagree with the way he lives his life? If this is the case, it will only
get worst with time. If you choose to stay in the relationship, it will be easy
for you to become a “mother” and cause problems in the long term.
The Bottom Line is: if you are convinced you need to change a
man; this is your warning sign to get out of the relationship because he is not
the “one” for you.
Caution: Beware of the man who lives with his mother
or looks to you for the kind of care his mother gives. Men often marry women
who display “mother” characteristics because they want a caregiver who will
assume responsibility for every detail in the household, only to look outside
of their marriage to satisfy their sexual needs.
Remember, when you are his “mother”, you are
no longer his lover. Every time you cross the healthy boundaries of letting him
be his own man, you are compromising your love life. Take a deep breath and
courageously remind yourself that he is capable of taking care of himself. With
this newfound freedom to feel like a woman, you will have more time and energy
to create and enjoy a richer love life.
Disclaimer: I have read this article from the website of Eligible Magazine written by Tanya Chernova and Joanna Andro. I do NOT claim ownership of the same. It has inspired me and would like to share it to my readers.
-CARMI
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